Throwback from February 2009 Featuring Melissa & Eddy (Mt Lake Terrace, WA)

I had the privilege to work with Melissa & Eddy to plan their Valentine's Day wedding celebration earlier this year. Melissa & Eddy were referred to me by a past couple I served. It's always a treat to have a former client pass my name along to a friend or co-worker -- it's a great feedback for me!

Melissa & Eddy are chefs who met on the job and whose friendship grew. They are from two different cultures (she is from the states while he is from Latin America) so I was able to reflect this into their celebration. Melissa & Eddy wanted to also incorporate Eddy's first language, Spanish, into the celebration. After our initial planning session and many variations on how we could do this, Melissa & Eddy decided upon having their wedding vows in their native languages. I would be saying this portion of their ceremony in both English and Spanish!

Melissa' mom and stepdad hosted their celebration in their Bothell, WA home. It was so wonderful to watch so many of their family and friends pulling together to make their wedding celebration and reception fantastic. As I had mentioned earlier, this bride and groom are chefs. Can you imagine what the food at their reception was like?? FABULOUS!! Co-workers (who were also friends) of theirs helped with the cooking and serving of their buffet-style reception. On the menu was prime rib with au jus, rich chicken and tortellini in an alfredo sauce, shrimp ceasar salad, and platters of fresh fruit and vegetables. Another friend of theirs created their wedding cake. It was a full house of guests and Melissa & Eddy put their entire celebration together for under $1K. Another thrifty couple!

I wanted to share this particular wedding because it's a great example of how different cultures were displayed, the couple was hands-on in the preparation of their ceremony & reception , they were blessed with family and friends who helped with details and preparation, and all without this couple going into serious debt.

Congratulations, Melissa & Eddy! Many blessings and years of happiness to you and your family.

The End of Another Busy Wedding Season

My "peak" wedding season runs from February through September. I have been blessed with wonderful bridal couples once again. Thanks to the following bridal couples that I served during this time:
John & Deb
Beth & Charlie
Melissa & Eddy
Vu & Jessica
Araceli & Edgar
Brian & Linda
Jennifer & Michael
Jim & Carlette
Mike & Maria
Stephany & Derrick
Justin & Tana
Nikki & Frank
Edd & Wendy
Brandi & Jeff
Jenny & Anthony
Jim & Juvy
Holley & Chris
Jim & Debbie
Jasmine & Nathan
Dennis & Eva
Abdoulaye & Reine
Yolanda & Jamaal
Tina & Andy
Ron & Stephanie
Jamie & Juan
Joy & Jason
Nora & Richard
Jason & Jeannette
Alex & Aimee
Thao & Armand
Vicky & James
Chad & Blanca
Tracy & Rafael
Brandy & Adam
Jennifer & Ivan
Paula & Steven
Becky & Chad
Laura & Roland
Linda & Eric
Darren & Tina
Diane & Paul
Mitchell & Melissa
Marlon & Leah
Vince & Anita
Elaine & Marcel
Jessica & TJ
Holly & Frank
Trina & James
Laurren & Andy
John & Nicole
Angelica & Josh
Chris & Laura
Dean & Ming
Miranda & Spencer
Natasha & Lance
Scott & Carol
Christopher & Mariette
Launa & Vic
Brenna & Jesse
Scott & Tina
April & Damien
Holly & Keven
Billierose & Preston
Cheryl & Sal
Tammy & Curtis
Tasha & Steven
Tyffani & Damon
Dave & Jaime
Karen & Jose
Cindy & Ryan
Dani & Kelly
Tina & Leo
Amy & Jason
Jennifer & Phillip
Barbara & Wayne
Donna & TJ
Alex & Joel

Adam & Brandy (Mt. Vernon wedding)

Adam and Brandy married Friday, June 19th at a family friend's yard in Mt. Vernon, WA. Earlier that day it had rained but by the time it was ceremony time, the rain had stopped, the clouds parted and they were blessed with cool weather and even a few sunbreaks.

Adam and Brandy have a little one, Shawn, who's featured in the photo. He was not going to be left out of the festivities! He kept himself occupied with the flower petals thrown earlier by the flower girl. They both agreed to have a short, yet sweet ceremony which was a collaboration of Brandy's ideas and my writing. Their willingness to be flexible made all of the day's events memorable.

Congratulations, Adam & Brandy! May your marriage and your family be blessed with years of happiness.

Chris & Angela (Bellingham wedding couple)

Chris & Angela married on their first year anniversary back on April 22nd, 2009. Believe it or not, but "team Angela" planned this wedding in less than a month! Angela and Chris are a fun-loving couple who married in the backyard of Chris' parents home in Lynden.
Angela is another DIY bride. I think that there are many positive notes that can be made for a "do it yourself bride". For example, many brides like to be hands on in the event planning. Who knows better than you when it comes to your likes and dislikes? Angela included her husband, Chris, in the planning as well from meeting with me, their photographer Denise Lee of Hope Haven Photography (you can see her work by visiting her website www.hope-haven.net), even down to the selection of their yummy organic cupcakes!
Angela also had wonderful support from her in-laws, Tom & Joyce. Not only did they host this wedding celebration in their home but they also went above and beyond to create a picturesque venue. Tom, recently retired, brought back to life a beautiful wrought iron arch. (You can see it in the above photo.) He also did extensive work on the yard and deck.
Chris and Angela, you were wonderful to work with! May you have many happy years together.

Don & Janet (wedding couple from Marysville, WA)

Don & Janet are family friends of mine. They were married Sunday, May 17th, 2009 at a friend's home on Camano Island. It is an extra special experience for me to be able to bring two of my friends into marriage!
Don and Janet were looking to incorporate many different aspects of themselves into their celebration. They had decided to incorporate their Christian beliefs, their family heritages, and other personal touches. Don, who is of Scottish decent, and Janet, who is Native American, also dressed in traditional clothing as it pertained to their families' cultures.
We incorporated a smudging ceremony to celebrate Janet's heritage and a handfasting ceremony to celebrate Don's. Don & Janet met at our church and so they wanted their faith in God to be the foundation of their wedding. I incorporated favorite Scriptures and blessings as well. It was a very touching ceremony. They were beyond pleased with the results!
Congratulations, my friends! Many blessings to you both.

Rat City Roller Girl Gets Married! (Juan & Jaime of Everett, WA)

Memorial Day weekend is traditionally a very busy wedding weekend for me. This year was no exception! This was the first Memorial Day weekend when I didn't perform one single ceremony in the rain. I think I was more excited than my couples!

Juan and Jaime were one of the four couples that I served. Juan, Jaime and I had been working on the planning of their ceremony for nearly a year. Jaime, who works in the event planning industry, is a bride who wanted to see to it that no rock was left unturned for her special day. Their ceremony was held at the Monte Villa Farmhouse in Bothell, WA (www.montevilla.com).

When Jaime isn't working as an event planner, she moonlights as Anya Heels, a Rat City Roller Girl! (Check out their website at www.ratcityrollergirls.com for more information.) Her husband, Juan, actually proposed to her after a championship game. Many of her Rat City Roller Girl friends attended. Her wedding assistant, Jessica, is also a teammate. The photographers who shot their wedding were also photographers for the team. This definately was a team effort!

Best wishes to all of my couples who married this weekend, including:

* Ron & Stephanie, who renewed their vows in Snoqualmie, WA
* Jason & Joy, who married at the Kellogg Grange Hall in Marysville, WA
* Marina & Rafael, who took a drive from their Sea-Tac home, to get married at my home here in Marysville, WA

How To Be A Smart & Saavy Bride, Part 4

Cake!!

*Buy a smaller decorated cake for wedding photos, and have a plain sheet cake in the kitchen to serve guests. On average, twenty percent of guests don’t eat wedding cake.
*Choosing butter cream or cream cheese instead of expensive fondant is another way to save money on your cake.
Tiffani's tip: Many people are trying their talents by attending classes on how to make professional cakes. Ask family members and friends if they've attended classes like this -- maybe they'd be a great candidate to supply your cake!

The Smart & Saavy Bride, part 1

Featured above: Edd & Wendy's wedding (Arlington, WA)

I came across a helpful article from a website called BravoBride.com and wanted to share it with my blog readers. I am breaking this article down over five postings. Here's the first of five:

Wedding Attire


* Most of the big bridal shops have huge sales once a year, which are typically held at hotels or other venues like wedding shows. Look in your local paper or ask a wedding planner to find out what time of the year the sales are held.

* Think about looking in unconventional places to buy bridesmaids gowns. Go shopping for them during prom season and after New Years Eve at department stores or online. A bridesmaid's gown doesn't have to come from a bridal shop.

* Many menswear shops will let your groom rent his tuxedo for free or provide a discount if his groomsmen rent their tuxes there.

* Tiffani's tip: Try online auctions & sites including ebay & Craigslist. Most people who are re-selling their items have kept them in very good shape so that they can resell!

Marriage Paperwork

Many couples ask me about "the paperwork". When do you get it? Do you (meaning me, as the officiant) buy it? How long do we have before we can buy it? These are all very good questions to ask.

The marriage paperwork is a small, yet important, factor on wedding day. I like to say that without the marriage paperwork it's just a nice get together with friends or one big party. With that being said, the marriage paperwork places an important role after the I do's and before the reception gets underway.

A marriage license can be purchased anywhere in Washington state and can be used anywhere in Washington state. You also don't have to be a resident of Washington state to purchase paperwork. Each county has their own rules and regulations that they follow. What is consistent in each county is this: there is a three day wait period before you can use it (WA state law). You also have up to sixty days to be able to use the paperwork, once the waiting period has been met.

Something I offer to each of my couples is the option of having me file the completed paperwork. Regardless of what county you've purchased the paperwork in, I will see to it that the final paperwork is forwarded to the county of origin. This is part of each wedding package I offer. My thought is wouldn't it be nice to be able to go on your honeymoon without the added worry of turning in your paperwork?

For any paperwork purchased in Snohomish county, I hand deliver each document and also offer to pick up any certified copies of the marriage certificate at no additional charge. (The clerks at the Snohomish county auditor's office know me by name!) Just another service I offer to my couples.

I also answer any questions that my couples may have regarding name changes or what to do next, once the paperwork has been filed. For me, it's important to be able to finish my journey with my couples and giving them peace of mind that all i's are dotted and all t's are crossed.

So, rest assured, if I am serving as your officiant I will help you in the process from beginning to end, and sometimes even in the days after wedding day!

"Green" Weddings (or "enviornmentally-friendly")

I have heard of many couples looking to be more earth-friendly in their celebrations. I came across a great article about how couples can incorporate some very practical ideas while considering the environment in their celebration. Here's a summary:

Ceremony
1. Keep the ceremony small - limit the number of guests.
2. Choose a venue that uses environmentally responsible practices --- pesticide-free lawns, clean energy, etc. Look for a LEED-certified location.
3. Keep the location natural.
4. Choose an indoor venue that has lots of natural light.
5. Keep it local - less travel, and support your local economy!
6. Have the ceremony and reception in the same place or within walking distance of each other.


Reception
1. Set out recycle bins at the reception. Quick and easy -- all you need are a few pieces of paper to label "cans", "plastic" and "paper". Want to take it a step further? Offer an extra can and mark it "compost" for food scraps!
2. Choosing organic or locally grown -- they can provide environmentally-friendly options.
3. Put the "green" theme into your centerpieces. Table decor can take the form of small perenials or baby bushes that can later by planted by your guests. If you are looking for a vessel for the center of your table to hold sea shells or colorful rocks, consider vases made from recycled glass or a bamboo bowl, which are renewable. (There are many options if you want to give small trees, seeds, bulbs or plants.
4. Earth-friendly products and services are growing and often as simple as buying local. Supporting a local artist is much more earth friendly than having cheap trinkets shipped half way around the world. An easy wedding favor idea? Give something organic!

Dresses, Tuxedos & Accessories
1. Choose a vintage or used gown.
2. Choose a dress made from organic cotton, organic silk, hemp or hemp/silk blends.
3. Rent a dress.
4. Choose a dress that can be repurposed later (cocktail dress, etc.).
5. Donate the dress after the wedding.
6. Sell the dress afterwards through eBay or a consignment store.
7. Encourage bridesmaids to choose their own dress that they can reuse later.
8. Rent a tux.
9. Avoid leather shoes.
10. Buy jewelry made from recycled precious metals and stones. And don't forget the possibilities of transforming vintage pieces into radiantly recycled classics.


For more great ideas, visit http://greatgreenwedding.com/blog/.



Happy planning!

Monica & Josh (Everett, WA)

Monica & Josh are a couple that I served at the beginning of this year. Their wedding venue was at The Everett Events Center (now the Comcast Arena) in the large ballroom.

Monica & Josh were on a budget, as are most of couples today. They utilized many ideas which I consider to be smart & savvy. The first thing that they did was search for a venue which was during the off-season (a big money saving idea!). As a courtesy, the Everett Events Center upgraded their room for no additional cost. They had a larger ballroom available and gave them the option of using that space versus their original space.

Another budget-conscious move was to have the ceremony and the reception in the same location/room. Half of the room was dedicated to the ceremony and seating for their guests. (Later, this area would be converted to the dance floor.) The other half of the room had tables set for the reception that followed.

Finally, this couple stuck with a reasonable guest list. Many times, couples feel as though they need to have lengthy guest lists. Before you know it, the guest list is teetering past the 200 mark. My saying is that when you're planning a wedding you deal with both family politics and wedding politics. Feelings can be hurt. But, as with most things in life, be reasonable. Many couples are finding that they are also financing their own celebrations. A majority of the budget for a wedding goes towards food and beverage. With this being said, a reception with 100 people can really tap into your financial reservoir.

Overall, keep in mind that this day is all about you and your fiancee and the love you share. Have fun and make memories you'll smile back on in the years to come!

The Manor in Everett, WA

Here's a picture of me at The Manor's open house back in January of this year. Heather, events coordinator at The Manor, had invited a select group of wedding vendors to attend this four hour event. I highly recommend checking if your wedding venue hosts any of these events. It's a great way to "see" how the venue is set up and the live action.

At The Manor's open house, there was an array of vendors, from dj's to live music to bridal boutiques and, of course, a few wedding officiants. The main chef of The Manor (also a previous groom of mine that I had married off in 2008!) had different samplings of their menu to try. There were also accessories for your reception, including vendors who supply chair covers, party favors and cakes.

Money Saving Wedding Idea #1 -- Venue Ideas

Pictured: Jason & Robyn in his parents' backyard (Tulalip, WA)

So where will you decide to hold your ceremony and reception without blowing a good portion of your budget? Many couples are turning to more cost effective venues.

Have you considered asking a relative or close friend to hold your ceremony and/or your reception at their home, say, in their backyard? Or, do you have family members who belong to a club or have a membership somewhere that can be rented at a reduced cost? Better yet, what sites do your city Parks & Recreation department have available? All of these are ideas that can be utilized when searching for a site to hold your celebration at.

Let's look at the possibility of holding your ceremony at your parents' home, another family member or close friend's. For the cost of landscaping, a backyard can be transformed to create a great wedding venue. You'd be suprised how sometimes all it takes a homeowner is a reason to get the yard in tip-top shape! Do you have a green thumb or is your fiance good with yard tools? Offer to do the work yourselves. Who wouldn't resist the offer of free labor??

Thinking of a gift idea to thank the host of your celebration? Consider a few options. How about a new outdoor grill? What about patio furniture that has been talked about? Or, a weekend away for the hosts to enjoy. These ideas might sound pricy but consider that a thank you gift of a few hundred dollars is an inexpensive alternative to putting down hundreds of dollars on a rented space.

Let's talk about another option; clubs. I can't tell you how many times I've had couples who have utilized the membership benefits of a family member or friend to get a reduced cost on their venue. Does Dad have a membership to a country club? Are Grandma & Grandpa long-time Eagle members? How about your favorite Uncle Bill and his membership at the sailing club?

Do you live in an apartment complex? (Stay with me on this one......) Many apartment communities have a rec room or cabana that is available to their tenants, with advance notice, AT NO COST. Yes, you read it right! Often times these spaces also have restrooms for your guests, small kitchenettes to prepare food for the reception afterwards nevermind furniture and media centers. These are just a few examples of places that I have performed weddings at. Ask around and see what your options are.

Ok, so what city do you live in? Have you checked with your city's parks & rec department for venues available for rent? Many times, if you are living within the city limits, the parks & rec department will offer a discount on their facility rentals. For example, Everett's Parks & Rec has such facilities as Legion Hall, Floral Hall at Forest Park and Evergreen Arboretum. Kirkland as their famous pavillion. Most cities post their rental rates on their websites. Don't forget the many parks that are found tucked away in the many counties throughout Washington state. All you have to do is take a look!

Keep in mind that there are beautiful and affordable options for you. I have pictures of some of these sites on my website at www.upbeatweddingofficiant.com

Happy hunting!

Article: Is it R.I.P. for the RSVP? What to do when guests don't reply to invitations

Is it R.I.P. for the RSVP? What to do when guests don't reply to invitations
By Jesse Tarbert, Seattle Times staff reporter


If you're hosting a party:

• RSVP is an abbreviation for the French phrase "Repondez s'il vous plait," which means "please reply" (You shouldn't write "Please RSVP").

• If you want your guests to respond to your invitation, write "RSVP" at the bottom of the invitation, on the left side.

• To give your guests time to respond, send your invitations at least two weeks before the party; but no earlier than four weeks — the invitations might get lost.

• If the event is further away than that, send a "save the date" or "hold this date" card to keep your guests from making other plans — no RSVP required. Then, two to four weeks before the event, mail your invitations.

• For kids' parties, you should mail the invitations or hand-deliver them to the guests' parents. If you leave it up to the kids, you can't be sure the invitations are received.

• If you're worried your guests won't know what "RSVP" means, it's acceptable to use an English equivalent, such as "the favour of an answer is requested," or less formally "please reply."

• If you want people to respond by phone, or to an address different from the one on the printed elsewhere on the invitation, put the number or the address under "RSVP to."

• You can also add a cut-off date after "RSVP by" if you want to give your guests a little extra prodding.

• Include an RSVP card and envelope if you want to make it even easier for your guests.

• If you're hosting a large party, you can add "Regrets only" after "RSVP"; but beware, these two words can make your guest list even less reliable.

• A week before the party (or after your cut-off date), feel free to call people who haven't responded and ask if they received the invitation and if they plan to attend.

If you get an invitation:
• "Ideally, people should reply within one week," says etiquette expert Deborah King.

• If you can't attend, King suggests either of these polite excuses: "I'm going to be out of town" or "I will be unable to attend due to a prior engagement."

• If you have to change plans, even at the last minute, call the host.

Theresa Fazekas learned the hard way.

First the baby shower when she expected 30 guests, but 44 showed up. "It's been four years and I'm still holding a grudge," she laughs. Then came the Christmas tea party last year, when she expected 13 guests, but had only a dozen place settings. She bought an extra set, only to have one guest skip it. And then, this past summer, the wedding shower where Fazekas planned to serve elegant boxed lunches. One guest wanted to bring her two sisters, who weren't on the guest list. A gracious hostess, Fazekas said yes and prepared the extra meals (at considerable expense). The woman and her sisters no-showed.

Fazekas enjoys entertaining. She gives two or three holiday parties each December and her North Tacoma home has been the scene of many dinner parties. But she's added an extra step to her party routine. She makes the guest list, sends the invitations, plans the menu and decorations — then she gets on the phone to people who haven't RSVPed.

"I call people and ask them if they're coming," she said. Local etiquette instructor Dawn DeGroot estimates that only 50 percent of invitations bearing the letters RSVP are actually answered these days.

DeGroot — she likes to be called Mrs. DeGroot — runs Wallingford Charm School where she teaches manners to children, teens and the occasional university business class. he has a message for invitees who don't RSVP: "Come on! Wake up! Answer your mail!" she says, the exasperation from countless unanswered invitations audible in her voice. "It's just a courtesy that is so necessary," she explains. "It's really important to the person giving the party."

She acknowledges that people's lives are busy, and that invitations can get buried as the mail piles up. But that's no excuse for failing to RSVP. "Put that invitation right by the phone so that you can remember to do it," she says.

The worst offenders

Even worse than people who don't RSVP at all, DeGroot says, are those who RSVP to say they are coming, but then don't show up. And how about guests who don't RSVP, but then show up anyway? For parties that feature informal dining, such as buffets, DeGroot recommends preparing 25 percent more food, just in case unanticipated guests arrive.

Deborah King runs Final Touch Finishing School, which offers etiquette classes in Seattle, Dallas and around the country. If the meal is informal, King suggests dealing graciously with unannounced guests. "Go ahead and have them come in and be a part of the event," she says. But if it's a formal sit-down meal and you haven't had an RSVP from that guest, let them know that you won't be able to accommodate them. "I know that may sound harsh," she says. "But actually the person that is being rude is the person that didn't RSVP." She adds, laughing: "You might tell them they look great and suggest a nice restaurant for dinner."

A growing problem

King said the troubles with RSVPs are only getting worse. "It is very sadly the truth," she says. Like DeGroot, King estimates the average rate of response to be about 50 percent. Because "many people don't know what RSVP means," King advocates writing "Please reply by," followed by a date. After the reply-by date has passed, King suggests calling the guests who haven't replied.

King and DeGroot both see the current decline in etiquette as a legacy of cultural changes during the 1960s and 1970s. But arbiters of etiquette, it seems, have always been engaged in a rear-guard battle against the unmannered.

The opening sentence of the 1929 edition of "Vogue's Book of Etiquette," for example, reads: "In a day when manners are said to be in less evidence than ever they were, one might naturally ask why a new book of etiquette need be written. ... "
And the use of RSVP itself was seen as a sign of decline. In a chapter about invitations and entertaining, the editors of Vogue write: "The letters R.S.V.P. are not necessary between good-mannered people. It is understood that one answers a dinner invitation and, in general, any invitations that 'request the pleasure.' "

A few pages later, they write: "All well-brought up people know, as we have said, that a request is something to which a reply is expected."

Gradual decline of RSVPs

During the Golden Age of etiquette, invitations were hand-delivered, and replies were a matter of course. The first step toward our present level of decay, apparently, came during the 19th century, when hostesses began entrusting invitations to the postal service. Later, even more informality arrived with the popularization of the telephone. Now a new medium has etiquette experts arching their eyebrows.

Noting the growing popularity of e-mail invitations and online services such as Evite, DeGroot says: "It sort of puts me off a little bit, but I understand that we're in a new time."

According to spokeswoman Kristen Wareham, Evite has about 5 million registered users who use the site (www.evite.com) to send invitations for a variety of events. Most of the users are young. According to company data, half are between the ages of 25 and 34, and only 12 percent are older than 45. When would-be guests receive an Evite, they are presented with a reply box, where they can check either "Yes," "No," or an option that is sure to make etiquette experts shudder: "Maybe." Invitees can also post comments and indicate how many guests they will bring. Meanwhile, hosts can monitor the responses, and even tell if someone has viewed the invitation without responding.

Despite the informality of web-based invitations, the ease with which guests can respond to an Evite might suggest, perhaps, a new era for RSVPing. According to Wareham, Evite users send about 8 million invitations per month. The average response rate is 63 percent, considerably higher than the 50 percent rate for paper invitations estimated by DeGroot and King.

Jennifer Gouine used Evite to organize a Halloween cocktail party that she hosted in her University District apartment. It was her first time using Evite for one of her own parties. She planned to serve finger foods and drinks, so it was important to know how many guests would attend. She invited 12, and all but three replied, she says. Evite's features allowed her to see which guests weren't responding, and she was able to nail them down. If she were to host a more formal party, she says, she might use written invitations, but Evite is convenient. "It's just so easy."

Copyright © 2003 The Seattle Times Company

Wedding Ettiquette From An Author's Perspective (Article)

Don’t Be Rude: Part IV, Weddings

Continuing with her series on etiquette, Margaret Berry explains why you can’t ask your wedding guests to pay for your mortgage, or their own drinks.

I’m about to outline some of the more common wedding etiquette missteps. Before I do I should tell you that by the time you read this, I will have been to five weddings this season. Please note that none of my dear friends have committed any of the social blunders I’m about to mention. If they did do anything wrong, I was far too overcome with joy to notice. However, I’m quite sure they didn’t, because they’re perfect.

Now for the rest of you.

Engagement
I’m not sure how things got turned around, but the correct way to ask for someone’s hand in marriage is to first ask your beloved, and then to ask for a parental blessing. Asking her parents beforehand makes it much more embarrassing if she turns you down, it’s also an uncomfortable way to find out that they never really liked you.

If luck is on your side, the champagne will flow freely during your engagement. When friends raise their glasses you and your affianced should smile brightly and keep your hands folded in your laps. Drinking to oneself is immodest; no matter how much you like champagne.

If you decide he’s not for you, decency demands that you return the engagement ring. If you find out he’s been having an affair with his secretary, self-respect demands that you return the engagement ring, albeit in a more spirited manner. If your wedding is canceled, return any gifts as well.

When choosing attendants, remember that they don’t need to line up symmetrically. If one of you has more friends, so be it. Better to upset the photographer than your old dorm mate.

Invitations
Most couples decide they want a sumptuous sit-down dinner and then cut their guest list until it bleeds. These people are going about things backward. Your guest list should determine the scale of your event instead of the other way around. Trim the decorating budget and the seven-course menu. An abundance of friends is much more charming than an abundance of flowers.

Once you have a basic list, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, you must invite both halves of a socially recognized couple. Those who are married, engaged, or living together count as social units. You may not have the company of one without the other, even if this particular other is a jerk. Second, you get to decide whether you want to invite children. Guests who express annoyance that their children aren’t included are the same ones who will let them scream through the ceremony.

There’s a lot of room for error with invitations. It’s helpful to think of them as petite social landmines with quaint wax seals. Send them four to six weeks out.

A few things you shouldn’t include in the envelopes:

The tissues that come with engraved invitations. They’re meant to protect the ink from smudging before the invitations are delivered to you. Including them in the envelope is rather like wearing a plastic poncho over your dress so as not to ruin it for a really special occasion.

Registry cards. Gifts should always seem to come as a pleasant surprise. This is what is known as a ‘polite fiction,’ emphasis on polite. You can tell people where you’ve registered, but only if they’ve asked, and only if you can manage to dim that spark in your eye.

RSVP cards. These imply that your guests wouldn’t otherwise take the time to respond. Unfortunately, the same cretins who don’t respond to wedding invitations won’t bother to mail back your RSVP cards. Etiquette permits you to beat these people senseless.

There are a few guidelines for invitees as well.
You don’t get to bring a guest unless you’re specifically invited to do so. You also don’t get to complain about not being invited to do so. It’s time you learned to mingle and socialize like a big kid. If your spouse or significant other can’t make it, you may not bring a friend in his or her place (much as you may not exchange the invitations for the price of your dinner and do something more fun with the money).



Attire
I know you think black bridesmaid dresses look sharp, and you’re having an evening wedding anyway, and you’re trying to choose a dress they’ll wear again. The answer is still no. In American culture, black is associated with mourning and loss, two emotions you’re not trying to inspire in anyone except his ex-girlfriend.

Though attendants on either side can be any sex, they should still dress to suit their gender. This means if your bridesmaids are wearing blue dresses the groom’s female attendants should wear blue dresses as well. Making the groom’s female attendants dress in novelty tuxedos is awful unless you have a tap routine planned for the recessional.

Either the event is formal, or it’s not. The bridal party’s attire should reflect the same level of formality as that of the guests. It makes no sense to have the guests in suits and the groom in a tuxedo. It makes even less sense to have the groomsmen in black tie and the groom in white tie.

Female guests shouldn’t wear white, lest they look as though they’re competing with the bride. Neither should they wear black, unless they’re mourning for her.

Ceremony
As mentioned earlier, it is untrue that all of the bridal attendants must be women and that everyone on the groom’s side must be a man. If the groom has a sister, she should stand on his side. If the bride has known Tommy since she was three, why would he stand next to the groom?

The custom of giving away the bride should be altered to suit your particular situation. If your mother raised you, she should do the honors. If a grandparent raised you, it would be sweet to ask him or her to accompany you.

Have a receiving line after the ceremony. It’s the only way to guarantee that every guest is introduced to all of your family and attendants, and the only way to ensure that you’ll have a chance to speak with sweet Aunt Thelma who traveled all the way from Florida. It’s also the best way to catch sneaky guests who skip the ceremony and show up for the food.

Your guests’ comfort takes precedence over your scrapbook. Don’t delay your arrival at the reception by scheduling a photo session just after the ceremony. If you must have a few post-ceremony photos, keep the shoot duration to less than 20 minutes.

Reception
Look at how embarrassed the bride is! How hilarious to see the groom’s head up her skirt, removing the garter with his teeth. Isn’t it sweet how she blushes at this reenactment of marital consummation? No, it’s vulgar. Cut it out. If you’re going to toss a garter, at least remove it in private.

Technically—technically—you’re supposed to leave your wedding before your guests do. The bride should change into a smart little traveling suit so everyone can pelt the happy couple with rice and then go home to get some sleep. This never happens. Instead, older guests hang on as long as they can, halfheartedly toss a palm full of rice at the couple, who are busy shimmying on the dance floor, and retreat to the quiet of their hotel rooms.

If you can’t afford alcohol, don’t make your guests pay for it. Provide what refreshment you can afford, and forget the cash bar. And, you, guests: The hosts are in charge of the leftovers. If you decide that it’s a shame to let so much food go to waste, you may be informed coldly (as you’re filling makeshift doggie bags) that the bride and groom have arranged for the extra food to be donated to a homeless shelter.

Gifts
Guests who receive invitations to weddings that they won’t be able to attend are not obligated to send a gift, but they should send a congratulatory note. The same is true of wedding announcements.

Gifts are properly sent to the couple’s home before the wedding or up to one year afterward. This way, the newlyweds needn’t worry about renting a truck to cart the gifts home, and you have a year to make sure that the marriage will take. This is a handy thing to know.

The horrible idea that the price of one’s wedding gift should roughly equate to what the bride and groom spent on your dinner is untrue, but it continues to be propagated by people who spend too much on their weddings. On the other hand, a guest’s transportation to the wedding doesn’t count as a gift to the couple. So cough up that toaster, buddy.

Also false is the notion that guests must choose a gift from the couple’s registry. While registries are helpful for those who don’t know the couple’s tastes, it is a compliment if a guest takes the time to pick something more personal—even if that something is yet another crystal flower vase.

Registries are the limit of how much a couple may direct gift giving. You may not indicate that you would prefer cash, request donations to your mortgage fund, take up a honeymoon collection, or even mention that you’d rather the money go to charity. Any attempt to direct generosity looks greedy. Coincidentally, it also makes guests feel less generous.

After the bride and groom have opened a gift, they have about three minutes to write a thank-you note. That includes the time it takes to cackle over the crocheted toilet-paper cozy with Barbie Doll topper. There’s no etiquette rule specifying that the bride must write all of the thank-you notes. Gentlemen, take up your pens.

While we’re on the subject, a few things that don’t count as proper gratitude: verbal thanks, postcards from the honeymoon, and those terrible preprinted cards that quack, ‘Your generosity is appreciated.’

Happily Ever After
It doesn’t matter who is paying the bills—weddings are family affairs. So if you want a nudist ceremony, you might want to run that by your parents first so they can opt out. And if Uncle Murf dies on the day of the wedding, you can go ahead with your solemn ceremony, but you should cancel the reception out of respect.

Like any good party or celebration, the objective of your wedding reception is to cater to guests’ needs and make sure that everyone is having a good time. Couples who run around screeching, ‘It’s our special day!’ ultimately deserve one another.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
TMN Contributing Writer Margaret Mason’s first book No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog comes out this month. You’ll also find her on her personal site Mighty Girl and her award-winning shopping blog Mighty Goods.
Also by Margaret Berry
The Last-Minute Mother's Day Gift Guide (How To)
Valentine’s Gift Guide (Opinions)
Twenty Gifts That Go Easy on Your Budget (Opinions)

Stan & Samantha (Lynnwood, WA)

I've said this time and time again, each couple has their own story and memories. Stan and Samantha (also known as Sam) are no exception!

It seems like the talk of the town has been our record breaking snow fall. Stan and Sam married just this last Sunday, December 21st amidst the snow. You couldn't tell from the smiles on their faces how cold it really was outside or how much snow was accumulating on the ground because inside it was warm! The excitement on wedding day, the enthusiasm that this couple has, the friendly family and friends in attendance and of course the Christmas trees and decorations that lined the halls also attributed to this feeling.

Stan and Sam are such a wonderful couple -- you can't help but smile when you're around them! All throughout the day, family members and their friends shared with me how happy they were that "this day is here!" and "how they are just so right for each other" as well as personal stories that I had the chance to hear about. And you know, they were so right!


The ceremony and reception were held at the Lynnwood Convention Center (www.lynnwoodcc.com). The staff there was fantastic and quick to be of assistance. I was greeted with Stan & Sam's names on the reader board outside which was fun! It was easy to access from the freeway and parking was ample. Another great idea to consider for a great wedding venue.